We all have experienced rude meeting participants when we are trying to lead a meeting. You’ve been in that meeting when the person next to you is making remarks under his breath, texting instead of participating, or cutting off the person speaking. You’ve probably also led the meeting when someone is doing everything but focusing on the meeting agenda. Makes you nuts, doesn’t it? It certainly does me!
I’m at that point in my life when I can barely tolerate such rudeness any more – I’m too busy and my time is too precious. I’ve learned though that being rude right back just doesn’t work (although I’ll grant you sometimes it does make you feel just a bit better!). Instead, try these tips to manage those rude colleagues:
When leading the meeting:
- Before the meeting begins, when you create the agenda, only invite those who truly need to participate. No doubt you, like me, have been in enough meeting that you truly did not need to be involved in.
- Start the meeting by asking individuals to follow a few simple ground rules:
- Shut off cell phones (or mute)
- If someone is expecting a call, answer outside the meeting room
- If distracted, feel free to “skip” this meeting
(I’ve found this is a great way to keep people focused – no one really wants to walk out of the meeting at this point and if they do, it’s probably better anyway since you are trying to ensure the meeting stays focused and accomplishes its objectives. And, after this, I have rarely had anyone start to get distracted.) - When someone starts being disruptive or rude (such as texting, talking over others, etc.), I simply pause and ask them if there is something they wanted to share before we moved on. I’ve also found that sometimes simply pausing and looking in their direction is usually sufficient to get them refocused.
When participating in the meeting:
- For an individual sitting next to me, I lean over and politely ask the individual to please stop texting/talking/making side remarks/etc. as it is distracting and I’m trying to focus on the meeting.
- For an individual not sitting next to me, I usually raise my hand and ask the speaker to please hold a minute as I’m having difficulty hearing him since someone else seems to have a point to make or is distracting me.
These are some ways that have worked for me. How about you? What has worked? How have you dealt with a distracting, rude meeting participant – either when you are leading the meeting or just participating yourself? Share your ideas and suggestions with others in the Comments field below. Thanks!
Hi Mary,
If I’m reading your question correctly, this individual no longer runs the meetings but is a participant only. Given that, it is not her place to determine if the discussion you are initiating is appropriate or not. That is the responsibility of the meeting leader/organizer. Certainly interrupting you in the middle of a comment is not appropriate and is unprofessional and rude. However, let’s assume that it is not the time/place for the comment from you as it does not advance the topic being discussed or is not a component of the meeting agenda – in which case, after the comment is made, if discussions ensue – the meeting organizer could (and should) stop the discussion and state the it will be added to the “parking list” for discussion later (assuming there is time) or at a future meeting or off-line. I have stopped conversations in meetings where they are not relevant to or on the agenda and asked that they be discussed off-line.
I’d suggest you have a one-on-one meeting with her and tell her that you prefer not to be interrupted in the middle of a meeting as you consider it unprofessional and it puts other meeting participants in an uncomfortable position. You would rather have the discussion off line, one-on-one with her as to why she believes your contributions are not worthwhile or relevant.
Hope this is of value. Let me know how it turns out.
Best,
Gina
i have a more specialized problem, of being told by one participant that i shouldn’t be discussing something. She ran these meetings a few years ago, and twice now (once at each of the last two meetings) she has interrupted me in the middle of what would have otherwise been a very quick thought/comment to say ” we don’t have time for that.” or “that’s not appropriate for this meeting”. I welcome her help and advice, but feel that doing it that way, in the middle of the meeting is not only counter-productive, but rude. what would you advise?
Thanks for your comment Tom. You are certainly correct that we would want to manage training session attendees vs. company meeting attendees differently. I always like to know before I conduct a training session if there is someone who doesn’t want to be in the class (usually asking the manager or the person who hired me to do the training.) I like to be prepared to deal with those who feel as if they as “hostages” in the classroom.
Thanks for reading and for your comment!
Best,
Gina
Several good ideas. Depends if it is a training session or company meeting. one person who was sent to training to be “fixed” may have a bad attitude. It usually helps to emphasize the acceptable norms at the beginning of the meeting, telling them to close the laptops, put the phone on silent, and saying something like if you interfere with the workshop (or meeting), I may ask you to leave.